第1个回答 2019-09-14
让我冒昧就您这篇作文提几句意见：我认为好的作文并不能仅是把许多单句集合一起。在描述一件事时，句子应该顺畅达意，有连贯性。对同一事物，最好能避免使用千篇一律的文字或语句来表达。您的作文，如果把它翻译成中文，大概会是如下的样子：
这是我们的学校，欢迎您到来。体育馆[我猜您是指体育馆(gym,
gymnasium),
而不是gum
(橡皮糖，或橡胶)]
在花园后面，花园在图书馆旁边，图书馆在课室大楼前面，饭厅在课室大楼旁边，操场在校门和卫生间中间。学校很漂亮。
读起来是否有点“只是把单句集在一起”的感觉?
让我试试把文章改写如下，看您是否觉得比较好一点：
This
is
our
school.
I
would
like
to
welcome
you
to
our
school
by
introducing
to
you
the
facilities
in
our
school.
First,
we
have
a
magnificent
gymnasium
where
sport
events
take
place
throughout
the
school
year.
Next
to
the
gymnasium
is
our
school
garden.
Seasonal
flowers
and
plantations
in
the
garden
always
make
our
school
more
beautiful
and
more
appealing.
Our
library
is
located
next
to
the
garden
and
in
front
of
the
classroom
building.
After
the
classroom
building,
you
will
find
our
dining
hall
where
we
eat
our
lunch
everyday.
Let
me
also
introduce
you
to
the
playground
of
our
school.
This
is
the
place
where
we
play
games
and
the
place
for
formal
events.
The
playground
sits
between
the
gate
of
entrance
and
the
lavatory.
So
you
see,
we
have
a
big
and
charming
school
and
we
all
love
it
very
much.