A healthy relationship doesn’t just happen by accident. It takes two people, however imperfect, who are committed to putting in the work to better themselves and improve their partnership in the process.
一段健康的关系不会偶然发生。这需要两个人，不完善的两个人，他们致力于改善自己，改善他们之间的伙伴关系。
We asked therapists, psychologists and other experts for signs that a relationship is healthy. See what they had to say below:
我们向治疗师，心理学家和其他专家询问关系是否健康。看看他们下面要说的话：
1. You have realistic expectations about love.
你对爱情有现实的期望。
“Falling in love is easy. Staying in love is another matter. Long-term relationships are hard! There are many, many hills and valleys. Anticipating inevitable relationship challenges and having a plan to overcome them together (without overreacting) is the sign of a solid relationship.” Michele Weiner-Davis, therapist and author of Divorce Busting
“坠入爱河很容易。保持爱情是另一回事。长期的关系很难！有许多山丘和山谷。预测不可避免的关系挑战，并计划共同克服（没有过度反应）是一个坚实的关系的迹象。“- Michele Weiner-Davis，治疗师和离婚破产
2. You don’t take the little things personally.
2。你不会把小事情当成个人的事。
“Rather than assume the worst, healthy couples will ascribe the best possible motive in the face of mistakes. Forgot to pick up the dry cleaning? Left the car with almost no gas? Rather than think,‘She doesn’t care about me’ or,‘He’s just out for himself,’ they think,‘Even the most loving partners sometimes screw up.’” Winifred M. Reilly, marriage and family therapist and author of It Takes One to Tango
健康的夫妻在面对错误时，最好不要假设最坏的情况。忘记去干洗了吗？车里没有汽油了？而不是想，“她不关心我”或“他只为自己着想，他们认为，“即使是最爱的伴侣有时会搞砸了。”Winifred M. Reilly，婚姻和家庭治疗师和作者，它需要一个Tango
3. You act as teammates, not competitors.
你作为队友，而不是竞争对手。
“While it may be good to compete in the workforce or in some athletic competition, it is not healthy for couples to compete against each other. Enjoy each other and keep the competition outside of the relationship.” Douglas C. Brooks, sex therapist
“虽然在劳动力或者一些体育竞赛中参加竞争可能是好的，但是夫妻之间相互竞争是不健康的。彼此享受，保持关系以外的竞争。“- 性治疗师 Douglas C. Brooks
4. You take responsibility instead of always shifting blame.
你要承担责任，而不是总是责怪。
“Each partner will recognize a problem and look first to how they may have contributed to it. There’s a financial problem? Where did I overspend? The chores aren’t getting done? What did I miss? It’s not that the blame always resides in one person. In fact it rarely does, but healthy couples look to their contribution first before asking where their partner fell short. Unhealthy couples are quick to point the finger at the other and absolve themselves from blame.” Ryan Howes, psychologist
每个人都会认识到一个问题，然后先看看他们是如何做出贡献的。有财务问题吗？我哪里超支？家务活还没做完？我错过了什么？并不是责备总是存在于一个人身上。事实上，这种情况很少发生，但是健康的夫妇先问问自己的贡献，然后再问问对方的缺点。不健康的夫妻很快指向其他开脱责任。”Ryan Howes，心理学家
5. You feel secure in the relationship because you trust each other.
你因为相互信任而感到安全。
“Both partners have a deep trust and belief in the other person’s loyalty and veracity and are not jealous or suspicious. Healthy couples feel loved and they are not paranoid. They know their partner is trying to protect the relationship.” Pepper Schwartz, professor of sociology and certified sexologist
“双方都对对方的忠诚和诚实有很深的信任和信任，并没有嫉妒或怀疑。健康的夫妻感觉被爱，他们不是多疑。他们知道他们的伴侣试图保护他们的关系。- pepper Schwartz，社会学教授和认证性学家
6. You go out of your way for each other.
6.你为彼此而去。
“We live in a culture that emphasizes personal satisfaction and the importance of ‘following your bliss.’ Putting your own needs first or being bitter about prioritizing your partner’s needs is a formula for disaster. When you truly give your partner an emotional gift such as being willing to have regular dinner dates with your in-laws who you don’t really adore (but your husband does), know that reciprocity is the usual response. Loving people do mutual caretaking.” Weiner-Davis
“我们生活在一种强调个人满足和‘追随幸福’的重要性的文化中。”把自己的需求放在首位，或者对伴侣的需求优先排序是一种灾难。当你真正给你的伴侣一个情感上的礼物――比如愿意与你不太喜欢的公婆（不过你丈夫确实喜欢）定期共进晚餐的时候，你要知道，互惠是通常的反应。相爱的人互相照顾。“-Weiner-Davis
7. You can talk openly about anything ― even tricky topics.
7.你可以公开谈论任何事情- 甚至是棘手的话题。
“Sex, money, frustrations, desires. Healthy couples want to know what the other thinks and feels even though the truth might be upsetting.” Reilly
“性，金钱，挫折，欲望。健康的夫妻想要知道对方的想法和感受，即使真相可能会令人不安。“- 赖利
8. You grow individually over time, and allow the other to do the same.
8.你随着时间的推移逐渐成长，并让其他人也这样做。
“他们可以争论一些重要的事情，但却不表现出对对方的不尊重。”如果你们中的任何一个诉诸辱骂，那就意味着没有真正的沟通。一对健康的夫妇可以讨论问题――甚至提高他们的声音――但不会伤害他们。“施瓦兹
