一: 男：Will you go out with me this Saturday?（这个星期六你想跟我出去吗？）
女：Sorry. I'm having a headache this weekend.（抱歉。这个周末我头疼。）
男：I think I could make you very happy.（我想我能让你非常快乐。）
女：Why? Are you leaving?（是吗？你是说你要离开？）
二: A burglar 入室盗窃者
A man went to the police office wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before.
"You will get your chance in court." said the Desk Sergeant.
"No, no, no." said the man. "I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I've been trying to do that for years."
三:The Looney Bin (疯人院)
Late one night at the insane asylum (疯人院）one inmate shouted, "I am Napoleon!"
Another one said, "How do you know?"
The first inmate said, "God told me!"
Just then, a voice from another room shouted, "I did not!"
疯人院
一天晚上，在疯人院里，一个病人说："我是拿破仑！"另一个说："你怎么知道？"第一个人说："上帝对我说的！"一会儿，一个声音从另一个房间传来："我没说！"
Notes:
（1）Looney (俚语）疯子
（2）inmate（n.同住者,同室者(特指在医院、监狱)）
（3）insane asylum (疯人院）
四:Mother Was too Busy 妈妈太忙
Mother Was too Busy
Teacher: Mike, you're always asking your father to do your homework instead, and again this time.....
Mike: Pardon, sir, this time at first I would not let him do it, but mother was too busy.
妈妈太忙
老师：迈克，你老是叫你的父亲替你做作业，这次又。。。。。。
迈克：对不起，老师，这次作业我本不打算让爸爸替我做，可妈妈实在太忙
五:When Do People Talk Least? 人们什么时候说话最少？
When Do People Talk Least?
Student A: When do people talk least?
Student B: In February.
Student A: Why?
Student B: Because February is the shortest month of a year.
人们什么时候说话最少？
学生甲：人们在什么时候说话最少？
学生乙：在二月。
学生甲：为什么呢？
学生乙：因为二月是一年中最短的一个月。
兄弟够不够啊!~不够说一声啊!~Fang: （出场） My name is Fang Fang. I am a student of Sanya No.1 Middle School.
Granny: 芳芳，芳芳。
Fang: Oh, my granny is calling me. Do you know my granny? Everyone in our neighborhood calls her "Modern Granny". She is learning English. She wants to learn English well. She wants to show foreigners the beautiful scenery of our city and tell them the interesting stories about the Li people.
Granny: （奶奶上。练读旅游英语300句 ） How do you do(好赌有赌) ? How do you do(好赌有赌)? Nice to meet you（奶死吐米油）. Me， too. I can't speak Chinese（爱砍他死屁踩你死）. Can（砍） you（油）speak English(英国历史)? Yes, a little（啊里头）. What can I do for you（我砍爱读佛油）? 这不，中国 加入了WTO，2008年又要举办奥运会，人人都在学英语，我也要学English….. 芳芳，芳芳！
Fang: 来了，奶奶。
Granny: 我的乖孙女， 你再听奶奶读一遍，看看还有什么地方读得不好。（读旅游 英语300句）How do you do (好赌有赌)? How do you do（好赌有赌）? Nice to meet you（奶死吐米油）. Me，too. I can't speak Chinese.（爱砍他死屁踩你死）. Can you speak English(砍油死屁英国历史)? Yes（爷死）, a little（啊里头）.What can I do for you（我砍爱读佛油）? （她边读边摇头晃脑，很自豪的样子）
Fang: 奶奶，什么“好赌有赌”，是“How do you do? ”。不是“英国历史”，是"English"。 是" Chinese"，不是“踩你死”。跟我读。How do you do?(奶奶跟读) 不行，How do you do?（奶奶跟读） 好，再读 一 遍，（奶奶读）好,很 好.I can't speak Chinese. Can you speak English?（奶奶跟读）再来，I can't speak Chinese.(奶奶跟读) 好的，再来。（奶奶读）Can you speak English?(奶奶跟读) 好，再练一下。
Granny: （练读两遍）好了，好了，不错了。（突然看见外宾路过）太好了！ 来了个老外！（站起，上前）Hello, (学外国人动作，伸开双手 ) How do you do? What can I do for you?
Foreigner: How do you do? I want to go to the bank. Where is the nearest one?
Granny : （急忙翻书）芳芳，他说的话在第几页？
Fang: 这本书上没有这句话。他想去银行。Bank----银行。（奶奶练习 bank ）(芳芳对外宾) Hello, welcome to Sanya. You are going to the bank, aren't you? Go along this street, when you reach the traffic lights, turn left. There is a bank about one hundred metres ahead, on the left, just opposite the bus station.
Foreigner: Thank you very much. Your English is very good.
Fang: Thank you.
Granny: Hello, I 带 you go.
Fang: Excuse me, shall my granny take you there?
Foreigner: (对奶奶) Thank you. It's very kind of you.
Granny: (摇摇头) No thank you. No thank you. (外宾显出不大理解的样子) How do you do?
Foreigner: How do you do?
Granny: Nice to meet you.
Foreigner: Me too.
Granny: 你们瞧，我会跟老外对话了。(看书 ) I can't speak Chinese. Can you speak English?
Foreigner: (疑惑不解) Why, yes, of course.
Granny: No. No. 错了，you错了，看，在这呢。（指书上） “Yes, a little. What can I do for you?”（外宾明白了怎么回事，笑）
Foreigner: It's funny.
(来到银行) （解放路，汽车站对面）
Granny: Bank. Bank 到了。
Teller: Good morning. Welcome to our bank. Can I help you?
Foreigner: Good morning. Can I change foreign money in your bank?
Teller: Yes, you can. But what money would you like to change, please?
Foreigner: Some U S D notes.
Teller: How much, please?
Foreigner: Two hundred dollars in all.
Teller: Please show me your passport and fill out this exchange memo in duplicate.
Foreigner: (填好 换水单) There, I've got them finished. And here is my passport.
Granny: (指护照问) What's this?
Foreigner: My passport.
Granny: 买怕死婆（My passport）. 买怕死婆 （My passport）.
Teller: Yes, everything is all right. Well, by the way, how would you like the money, Mr Smith?
Foreigner: I don't mind. Any kinds of denominations are OK.
Teller: Here you are, Mr. Smith. Your money comes to RMB￥1，654.
Foreigner: Thank you very much.
Teller: My pleasure.
Foreigner：Your service is good and your English is excellent.
Teller: I am very happy to hear you say so. Goodbye. And enjoy your stay in Sanya.
Foreigner: Goodbye.
Granny: Goodbye（骨德拜）.
（走出银行）
F: I want to go to some scenic spots.
G: 什么“搏”？
F: Scenic spots.(拿出词典指奶奶看 ) scenic spots.
G: 哦，是风景点。（想 了想）我带你go Luhuitou .
F: Luhuitou?
G: Yes. (指着300句鹿雕像的封面) Luhuitou。
F: Oh, it's a deer.
G: 对，对 Yes, yes, deer(爹),deer(爹)。（亮相）deer(爹)回头.
F: 爹回头？
（奶奶，外宾左下，黎族姑娘右上，奶奶，外宾左上）
F: Oh, a deer.
G: 我们到了。
Lg: Hello, welcome to Luhuitou Park.
F: Hello.
G: 姑娘，你给咱老外朋友讲一讲鹿回头的故事，好不好？
Lg: 好的。（对外宾）Have you ever heard the story of "luhuitou"?
F: A story? No.
Lg: This story is about a young man and a deer long long ago.
F: A young man and a deer.（指塑像） Do you mean the man and the deer here?
Lg: Yes. He was a hunter .
F: A hunter?
Lg: Yes. One day, the young man went hunting and found the deer.
F: Oh, I see.
Lg: When the deer saw him, it ran away. The young man ran after the deer until they reached the edge of the cliff. Suddenly, the deer turned its head and became a girl.
F: The deer turned into a girl? Really?
Lg: Yes.
F: (指塑像) I think this must be the girl.
Lg: Right. Do you know about the Li People?
F: Li People? Yes.
Lg: Later, the young man and the fairy girl fell in love with each other and they got married. They were the ancestors of the Li People.
F: This is really a beautiful story. And that is why Sanya is also called the "Deer City", isn't it?
Lg: Yes, you are right.
F: Thank you for your wonderful story. Are there any other scenic spots in Sanya?
Lg: Yes, there are many others. I suggest you go to Dadonghai, Yalong Bay and Tianyahaijiao.
F: Tianyahaijiao? What does it mean?
（黎族小伙子上）
Lb: Welcome to Tianyahaijiao.
（众转身）
F: What does it mean by "Tianyahaijiao"?
Lb: It means "the end of the earth.
G: （对Lg）Sea 是什么？
Lg: 是大海。(奶奶练读)
F: Tianyahaijiao is one of the famous scenic spots in China, isn't it?
G:(对观众) 我知道，China 是中国。
Lb: Yes . A lot of people from home and abroad have visited "Tianyahaijiao" and they say "Tianyahaijiao" has impressed them..
F: Yes. It's a nice place.
Lb: There are poems and songs written about "Tianyahaijiao".(播放歌曲) Listen, this is one of the songs. Its name is "Please come to "Tianyahaijiao".
F: It sounds sweet. I enjoy it.
G: 孩子们，我今天学了一些English, 你们听一听，帮一帮奶奶好不好？“银行”是"bank", "怕死婆" 是什么来了？
Lg: Passport 是护照。
G: 哦，" 怕死婆" 就是“护照”。还有“爹”是“鹿”，“sea”是“大海”。我听你们说那个“beautiful(比特夫)是什么？
Lg: 不是比特夫，是beautiful。
G: 哦，是beautiful.(练习)
F: Ladies and gentlemen, Sanya City is a beautiful city. I am glad to see everyone speak English here in Sanya. This granny is also learning English. It is very convenient for us to come for holidays and do business in Sanya. When I go back to the States, I will tell my friends to come to Sanya.
All: Please come to Sanya. Welcome to Sanya
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