英语好的高手请进！

Question

Book Review for the Old Man and the Sea

It’s a wonderful story about an old fisherman named Santiago, He has not caught any fish for 84 days. So other people begin to believe that he has no chance to catch any fish, while the old man disagrees. The old man still goes out to fish on the 85th day and he believes that his fishing skills will eventually bring him a great fortune. After great efforts, Santiago eventually gets a big Marlin. Of course you can imagine how excited he is. He ties the fish to the boat. And then he sets foot on the way home .Unfortunately, things don't go well up to his expectation. The man encounters a series of difficulties on his way home. He has to fight with many species of sharks who come to eat the Marlin. Although the old man is extremely tired, he refuses to give in. He just keeps fighting. When he lands, the only thing of the big Marlin left is the fishbone.
Did the old man succeed? Different people might have different points of view. But in my opinion, although the only thing the man tacks back is the fishbone of the big Marlin which seems useless, he was still the winner. Because whether a man is a winner or not doesn’t depend on how many he gets, but depends on how hard he works in order to reach his goal. And there’s no doubt that the man has tried his best. I do admire him from the bottom of my heart.
So I have to say, the old fisherman, Santiago, was a winner.
In the past, I asked myself some questions sometimes. If I am in trouble, will I be as brave as possible? If I have been very tired because of the trouble, will I keep trying and not give up until I reach my goal? Maybe it doesn’t matter what the answers were before. The thing which is much more important is how I will behave in the future.
A man can be destroyed but not be defeated.
I will never forget what Santiago said.
The courage of the old man will inspire me forever.
I am so sure I will gradually become the one who is brave and strong enough to face all difficulties without any fear.
Because the old fisherman, Santiago, has told me that everyone is able to be even more powerful than you had ever imagined as long as he believes he can.

麻烦高手帮忙看看上面那篇文章

请帮我看看有没有很严重的拼写或者语法错误

如果高手觉得错误实在很多的话。。。。TT 劳烦尽量指出吧= =
那么，拜托了。

Answer 1

你把QQ给我吧，我直接用批注在word文档上改再发给你追问

444268532
谢谢了

追答

发了

Answer 2

第一句话完了要打句号。
“Of course you can imagine ……”最好把you改成we,西方人很少会说You怎样怎样，这样有说教的嫌疑，用第一人称会很好。
“the only thing of the big Marlin left ” of可以去掉，要加上也是加一个that
"the only thing of the big Marlin left is the fishbone" 把the特指改成泛指会比较好，这里不需要特指是哪一个鱼骨架。
“but depends on how hard he works in order to reach his goal”后面一部分改为how hard he has done for reaching his goal比较好，这里用完成时可能更准确些，你觉得呢？

“ will never forget what Santiago said“这里也是，后面改成完成时好些

“Maybe it doesn’t matter what the answers were before” 这句话我不太明白你要表达什么意思，好好斟酌一下先

这是我粗略看了一下的意见，仅供参考，欢迎指正。

Answer 3

gets a big Marlin-big改为large效果更佳
as brave as possible- as brave as I can
because of the trouble- trouble改为difficulty或者hardship
he believes he can.-he believes in himself
become the one who is brave and strong enough -此处可简略 become brave and strong enough
你功底还可以，没什麽大问题，但是要注意前後时态统一。
还有表达连贯性还有待加强！
Keep moving!

Answer 4

敝人称不得上是英语高手，但

Book Review for the “ The Old Man and the Sea”

It’s a wonderful story about an old fisherman named Santiago, He has not caught any fish for 84 days. So other people begin began to believe that he has had no chance to catch any fish, while the old man disagrees. The old man still goes out to fish on the 85th day and he believes that his fishing skills will eventually bring him a great fortune. After spending great efforts, Santiago eventually gets got a big Marlin. Of course you can could imagine how excited he is was. He ties tied the fish to the boat. And then he sets set foot on the way home. Unfortunately, things don't did not go well up to his expectation. The man encounters encountered a series of difficulties on his way home. He has had to fight with many species of sharks who which come to eat the Marlin. Although the old man is got extremely tired, he refuses refused to give in. He just keeps kept fighting. When he lands landed, the only thing of the big Marlin left is was the fishbone.
Did the old man succeed? Different people might have different points of view. But in my opinion, although the only thing the man tacks brought back is was the fishbone of the big Marlin which seems useless, he was still the winner. Because (连词) The reason is whether a man is considered a winner or not doesn’t depend on how many he gets, but depends on how hard he works in order to reach his goal. And there’s no doubt that the man has tried his best. I do admire him from the bottom of my heart.

So I have to say admit, the old fisherman, Santiago, was a winner.
In the past, I asked myself some questions sometimes. If I am were (应使用虚拟语气) in trouble, will would I be as brave as possible? If I have had been very tired because of the trouble, will would I keep trying and not give up until I reach my goal? Maybe it doesn’t matter what the answers were before. The thing which is much more important is how I will behave in the future.
A man can be destroyed but not be defeated.
I will never forget what Santiago said.
The courage of the old man will inspire me forever.
I am so sure that I will gradually become the one who is brave and strong enough to face all difficulties without any fear.
Because the old fisherman, Santiago, has told me that everyone is could be able to be even more powerful even than you had ever imagined as long as he you believes he you can.