高一英语作文评语

Question

您好，请帮忙看一下这篇作文，请多写些评语（因为我要到礼堂给全年级去讲评我自己的作文），谢谢

title: Childhood
I think my childhood is one of the most important time in my lifetime.
When I remembered the childhood,and played with classmates or brother together,I always felt that my heart was a little cold.
Remembering a day in 1997.My brother and I went to the 北戴河.At midnight ,I walked along the sea lonely,I saw the moon for a long time,it was very bright with the black cloud.At that moment,I stood there and rised my head and thought too many things such as classmates、life and so on.
I hate, I hate a thing,which is called lifetime,is a short life.
You will ask me the reason,it is a long story……
If I could live in the world for ever……

Answer 1

总体上来看，文章写的是有一定水平的，不过作为一篇好的作文评价，我觉得有一点你要注意，那就是文章一定不要消极，例如：I hate, I hate a thing,which is called lifetime,is a short life.这一句你要表达的心情我能够理解，毕竟生命是宝贵的，它很短暂，能不能发挥它的价值，就看你是怎样看待它的，我个人认为诸如If I could live in the world for ever……，If I could live in the world for ever……这些句子应该在作文中（尤其是大型考试的作文）尽量不要出现，文章应尽量表现出积极的，向上的生活态度和价值观，另外文中：北戴河 这个词一定要用 Beidaihe，不要用中文，其他的注意语法和单词拼写就可以了，it was very bright WITH the black cloud.大写部分个人认为改为IN 或 ON比较合适。

Answer 2

你提了You will ask me the reason,it is a long story…… 但有不说是什么, 轻描淡写...让人读的不舒服. 但总体来说, 还不错!

Answer 3

Dear
Q12,
Hi!
I
am
one
of
the
students
chosen
to
solve
the
problem,
and
I
want
to
tell
you
what
is
love
and
friendship
and
how
we
feel
and
think.
hi是不是应该改成
hello，everyone，毕竟你是面对很多同学说的。
what
is改为what
are
think后面应该跟
about
them
What
is
love?
All
in
all,
where
there
is
no
cruelty,
there
is
a
beautiful
world.
Everyone
always
give
others
a
hand
each
other.
I
also
think
everyone
don’t
like
that
there
are
too
many
churchyards
everywhere.
where
there
is
no
cruelty,
there
is
a
beautiful
world这句话你想表达什么意思
改为
if
there
was
no
cruelty,it
would
be
a
beautiful
world.
Everyone
always
give
others
a
hand
each
other.
改为everyone
gives
his
hand
to
another.
I
also
think
everyone
don’t
like
that
there
are
too
many
churchyards
everywhere.
我没看懂
If
you
stay
there
a
moment,
and
watch
the
insects
flying
in
the
warm
summer
air
,
and
listen
to
the
soft
wind
breathing
through
the
grass
,
you
will
understand
how
quietly
they
rest
,
the
sleepers
in
that
quiet
earth.
stay
a
moment改为
stay
for
a
moment。
breathing改为breezing
the
sleepers
in
that
quiet
earth.是什么，你指grass吗？
If
you
want
to
know
more
about
love
,
you
can
read
the《WUTHERING
HEIGHTS》,
and
woman
named
Amity
Ballonet
who
was
born
and
live
in
the
north
of
England
,
is
also
the
place
where
《WUTHERING
HEIGHTS》
happened
.
去掉书名号，英语里没有书名号。
and
woman
named
改为
and
the
woman
named
live改为lived
is
also
the
place划去。
And
the
friendship
is
a
thing
that
everyone
wants
to
have,
especially
men.
For
the
friendship
,
even
you
can
lose
life.
For
the
friendship,
even
you
can
lose
everything
.
even
you
can
lose
life
改为
you
can
even
lose
your
life。后面同理。但把everying改为anything。
It
belongs
to
a
spirit
which
every
men
can
uphold
it.
In
a
word
,
world
need
love
,
and
the
world
also
need
friendship.
Please
imagine
it
a
second
,
everyone
helps
each
other
,
we
live
each
other
happily
in
the
world
.
That’s
a
haven
of
peace
,
is
a
ideal
society.
world
need
love改为the
world。。
need改为needs
唉，难改啊。建议你重写吧
中文思维太明显了。

Answer 4

very good