英语笑话及中文翻译

Question

越多越好

Answer 1

A teacher said to her class：
Who was the first man？
George Washington，a little boy shouted promptly．
How do you make out that George Washington was the first man？asked the teacher，smiling indulgently．
Because，said the little boy，he was first in war，first in peace，and first in the hearts of his countrymen．
But at this point a larger boy held up his hand．
Well， said the teacher to him，who do you think was the first man？
I don't know what his name was，said the larger boy，but I know it wasn't George Washington，ma’am，because the history book says George Washington married a widow，so，of course，there must have been a man ahead of him．
有个老师问班上的学生：
谁是第一个男人？
乔治·华盛顿，一个小男孩当即叫道。
你怎么知道乔治·华盛顿是第一个男人呢？老师问道，宽容地微笑着。
小男孩说：因为他是战时第一，和时第一，国人心中第一。
这时一个大点儿的男孩举起手来。
那么，老师对他说，你认为谁是第一个男人呢？
我不知道他的名字，大点儿的男孩说，但我知道不是乔治·华盛顿，老师。因为历史书上说，乔治·华盛顿娶了一个寡妇，所以在他前面肯定还有一个男人。

A group of Americans were traveling by tour bus through Holland. As they stopped at a cheese farm, a young guide led them through the process of cheese making, explaining that goats' milk was used. She showed the group a lovely hillside where many goats were grazing. These, she explained, were the older goats put out to pasture when they no longer produced. She then asked, What do you do with your older goats in America?
A spry old gentleman answered, They send us on bus tours!
一群美国人乘长途汽车在荷兰旅游。他们在一个奶酪场停下来。一位年轻的导游带他们参观了奶酪制作的全过程，解释说用的是羊奶。
她指给这群人一个美丽的山坡，山坡上许多羊在吃草。对这些，她解释说，是放逐草地的老羊，它们已不能再产奶。她然后问道：在美国你们怎样处理老羊呢？
一位活泼的老绅士回答说：他们让我们乘车旅行！
http://news.iciba.com/1626/
这里有很多
O(∩_∩)O

参考资料：http://news.iciba.com/1626/

Answer 2

Peter joined the army when he was eighteen, and for several months he was taught how to be a good soldier. He did quite well in everything except shooting. One day he and his friends were practicing their shooting, and all of them were doing quite well except Peter. After he had shot at the target nine times and had not hit it once, the officer who was trying to teach the young soldiers to shoot said, "You're quite hopeless, Peter! Don't waste your last bullet too! Go behind that wall and shoot yourself with it!"

Peter felt ashamed. He went behind the wall, and a few seconds later the officer and the other young soldiers heard the sound of a shot.

"Heavens!" the officer said. "Has that silly man really shot himself?"

He ran behind the wall anxiously, but Peter was all right. "I'm sorry, sir," he said, "but I missed again."

彼得十八岁那年参了军，他需要参加几个月的学习以成为一名好士兵。彼得在其他方面都做得很好，但是射击不行。一天他和伙伴们练习射击，除了彼得其他人都没有问题。他射了九次，一次也没有命中目标。这时，教新兵射击的教官说：“彼得，你看来是没希望了，不要连最后一发子弹都浪费掉！去那堵墙后面用它向自己打一枪吧。”

彼得感到非常惭愧。他走到那堵墙后面。几分钟后，教官和新兵们听到一声枪响。

“上帝！”教官叫起来，“难道那个笨蛋真的朝自己开枪了？”

他急忙跑到那堵墙后面，发现彼得安然无恙。“对不起，长官，”他说，“我还是没有命中。”

First Flight第一次坐飞机
Mr. Johnson had never been up in an aerophane before and he had read a lot about air accidents, so one day when a friend offered to take him for a ride in his own small phane, Mr. Johnson was very worried about accepting. Finally, however, his friend persuaded him that it was very safe, and Mr. Johnson boarded the plane.
约翰逊先生从前未乘过飞机，他读过许多关于飞行事故的报道。所以，有一天一位朋友邀请他乘自己的小飞机飞行时，约翰逊先生非常担心，不敢接受。不过，由于朋友不断保证说飞行是很安全的，约翰逊先生终于被说服了，登上了飞机。

His friend started the engine and began to taxi onto the runway of the airport. Mr. Johnson had heard that the most dangerous part of a flight were the take-off and the landing, so he was extremely frightened and closed his eyes.
他的朋友启动引擎开始在机场跑道上滑行。约翰逊先生听说飞行中最危险的是起飞与降落，所以他吓得紧闭双眼。

After a minute or two he opened them again, looked out of the window of the plane, and said to his friend, "Look at those people down there. They look as small as ants, don't they?"
过了一两分钟，他睁开双眼朝窗外望去，接着对朋友说道：“看下面那些人，他们看起来就象蚂蚁一样小，是不是？”

"Those are ants," answered his friend. "We're still on the ground." “那些就是蚂蚁，”他的朋友答道，“我们还在地面!"

How Did You Ever Get Here

One winter morning, an employee explained why he had shown up for work 45 minutes late. "It was so slippery out that for every step I took ahead, I slipped back two."

The boss eyed him suspiciously. "Oh, yeah? Then how did you ever get here?"

"I finally gave up," he said, "and started for home."

你是怎样来的？

一个冬天的早晨，一名雇员解释他为什么迟到了四十五分钟才起来上班。“外面太滑了，我每向前迈一步，就要向后退两步。”

老板狐疑地看着他。“噢，是吗？那你是怎样到这里来的？”

“后来我决定放弃，”他说，“然后我就往家里走。”

林肯过生日 Great Event

Teacher: What great event happened in 1809?
Little Willy: Abraham Lincoln was born.

Teacher: Correct. And what great event happened in 1812?
Little Willy: Abraham Lincoln had his third birthday.

老师：1809年发生了什么重大事件？

小威利：亚伯拉罕-林肯诞生。

老师：正确。那么1812年发生了什么重要事件呢？

小威利：亚伯拉罕-林肯过他的三周岁生日。

Imitate Birds

A man tried to get a job in a stage show. "What can you do?" asked the producer.

"Imitate birds," the man said.

"Are you kidding?" answered the producer, "People like that are a dime a dozen."

"Well, I guess that's that." said the actor, as he spread his arms and flew out the window.

模仿鸟儿

一个人想在一个舞台剧中找份工作。“你能干什么呢？”负责人问。

“模仿鸟儿，”那人说。

“你在开玩笑吧？”负责人答道，“那样的人一毛钱可以找一打。”

“噢，那就算了。”那名演员说着，展开翅膀，飞出了窗口。

Answer 3

I Wasn't Asleep

When a group of women got on the car, every seat was already occupied. The conductor noticed a man who seemed to be asleep, and fearing he might miss his stop, he nudged him and said: "Wake up, sir!"

"I wasn't asleep," the man answered.

"Not asleep? But you had your eyes closed."

"I know. I just hate to look at ladies standing up beside me in a crowded car."

我没有睡着

当一群妇女上车之后，车上的座位全都被占满了。售票员注意到一名男子好象是睡着了，他担心这个人会坐过站，就用肘轻轻地碰了碰他，说：“先生，醒醒！”

“我没有睡着。”那个男人回答。

“没睡着？可是你眼睛都闭上了呀？”

“我知道，我只是不愿意看到在拥挤的车上有女士站在我身边而已。”

Answer 4

我有很多，不过没有悬赏分呢！