仰望天空，脚踏实地（北京考题）
I'm no Li Bai, but when it comes to poetry I know what I like, and that's what I know. Some things are inalienably true: Water is wet, grass is green (kind of), dogs bark and houses prices rise.
The line yang wang xing kong ("look up at the starry sky") is one of my favorites. Why? Because it's true. Look at the sky. What do you see? That's right. Stars.
It's very important we all gaze at the skies and don't look around us. Look! Big apartment, high-earning job, KTV booked round the clock, two cars with different license plates and, of course, a hot wife (everyone wants a hot wife. Even my girlfriend, just for the marvelous face it gives).
If we all do this, we drive up national productivity and everybody's happy, except the peasants. But it's crucial to remember the other half. Not the peasants. The earth. Reach for the Sky was a famous book by a wheelchair-bound pilot written after World War II. Today, we are asked to do a far more important thing: To reach for the ground.
Or, in another way, jiao ta shi di (roughly translated: get real). Keep your feet firmly on dry land. Life is likely going to be living in a dormitory, working for the man and looking at hot wives on the Internet.
It was, I believe, Oscar Wilde, or possibly George Bernard Shaw (or maybe even Noel Coward - it definitely wasn't Dorothy Parker) who said: "We are all of us in the gutter but some of us are looking at the stars."
What exactly did he mean? And how can I use this to finagle a passing grade and ensure a high-flying career at a top 500 company, like Foxconn (they've had some openings recently), or failing that, a kindergarten security guard post? The answer is: I don't know. But I've just had a text to say someone will be emailing me the answers soon.
我不是李白，但谈及诗，我知道我喜欢什么。有些事情是毫无争议的：就比如水是湿的，草是绿的，狗会汪汪叫，房价注定要涨。
诗句“仰望星空”是我的最爱。为什么？因为它是真实的。抬头仰望天空，你会看到什么？当然是星星。
我们都凝视天空，而不是环顾四周，这很重要。看！高大的公寓楼，高收入的工作，通宵达旦KTV，拥有两辆不同牌照的轿车，当然还有火辣的老婆（每个人都想要个火辣的老婆，甚至我的女朋友，因为她能给你面子）。
如果我们都这么做，我们国家的生产率就会提升，同时除了农民们，皆大欢喜。但记住诗的下半句也很重要。下半句不是农民，而是土地。战后一位身残的飞行员写了本非常著名的书《抵达天空》。今天，我们有更重要的事情去做，那就是把脚伸到地里去。
或者换种方式：脚踏实地（通俗的说法：变得现实），在干燥的土地上保持坚定的步伐。生活将会这么过：住在宿舍里，为老板卖命，在网上寻找火辣的老婆。
我相信，奥斯卡&#·王尔德或者是萧伯纳（也可能是诺尔&#·寇威尔—但绝对不是萝西&#·帕克）说过：“我们都在贫民窟中，但我们中有一些人正仰望着星星。”
他说这话到底是什么意思？我如何才能巧妙的将它融入我的文章，确保我能进入施展我抱负的五百强公司之一，比如富士康（最近是个好时机）或者求其次，当上幼儿园保安等等？答案是：我不知道。但我刚收到短信，有人将立马发邮件给我，告诉我答案。
找回童年（江西考题）
Illustration: Peter C. Espina
As I sit here contemplating an answer to this question that will help determine my entire future, I am full of a murderous rage. I think of the years of rote learning and drills I suffered from my youngest years, all focused on getting into Tsinghua or Peking University. And it all comes down to this, writing on the theme of return to the very childhood that this test robbed me of.
What kind of marking scheme will you use to grade this paper? Will it take into account the irony, the sarcasm, or the anger of the theme I have chosen for this answer? Will I get sympathy points to make up for the losses I have endured? Or will get punished for coming up with a negative answer, an answer that implicitly criticizes both you and the system you are part of?
Were I to deploy complex grammatical structures and flaunt my command of sophisticated words, writing a sophisticated Dickensian sentence as verbosely as possible, mimicking the scholarly prose of classical Chinese rather than short direct sentence of modern English stylists, would my opportunity to join the soaring heights of the elites at China's top institutions rise?
Does your rubric break my answer down into categories such as complexity of vocabulary, syntax, use of English idioms and set phrases, positive attitude, fealty to parents and love of nation?
If I were to emulate James Joyce and devolve the level of my prose into smaller, simpler sentences with easy words, would you even understand what I was doing?
Because as I write this answer and think back, I remember being jealous of my classmates. I remember attending cram schools after class and hoping the cute girl beside me would get into Tsinghua with me so we could study together in the library and maybe hold hands before we went back to our separate dorms.
Whenever I encountered difficulties with my studies and wanted to retreat, my mind suddenly flashes to images of my father's childhood, compared to him my difficulty is nothing. Without enduring the storm, how can I see the rainbow? Without being chilled to the bone, how can I smell the plum flowers?
I miss my teacher, a candle who burned herself to light others' way. She worked so hard for us she ignored her own health, and died of cancer.
I want to play more computer games. I hate studying and I don't want to go to university anyways. I want to be a basketball player. Why do I have to learn English? We live in China. Can't I just speak Chinese? I'm tired but Daddy won't let me go to bed until I finish my homework.
My hobby is sleeping, because I don't get to sleep enough. My best friend looks like a pigu (butt). Mommy, look how hard I studied.
The teacher gave me three stars today, but Xiao Wang got five. I hate him.
Aren't I good? I did homework all night.
当我坐在这里沉思怎么写这篇决定我整个未来的作文时，心中充满了怒火。我想起那么多年的死记硬背和从我最最年幼时起就遭受的艰苦训练，全力以赴要考入清华或北大。现在我要静下心来回到这个主题，记录一下这次考试究竟从我的童年中剥夺了什么。
你将会用什么样的标准来为我这篇文章打分呢？你是否会考虑我用的反语、讽刺或是我选择的这种愤怒的主题？我会因为承受过的痛苦得到同情分吗？或者我会被你惩罚，因为写了一篇消极的作文，而且还影射了我对你和你所属的整个系统的谴责？
我是不是应该采用复杂的语法结构和寓意深刻的词汇来炫耀自己对文字的精通，尽量写冗长而老练的狄更斯式句式，模仿学术气十足的古典中国文体而不是学习简短直接的现代英语作家？是不是只有这么做，我进入中国精英阶层、高等学府的机会才会增加？
你会用你的标准将我的答案分类吗，比如说词汇的复杂度、句法、英语俚语的运用，积极的态度、孝敬父母还有爱国？
如果我模仿詹姆斯&#·乔伊斯，将我的文章变得更短小简练，并且用通俗易懂的词汇，你能理解我为什么这么做吗？
因为我在写这个答案回想过往时，我记起我曾嫉妒过我的同学。也记起那时参加补习班时，我希望旁边的漂亮女孩儿能和我一起考进清华，然后我们可以一起在图书馆学习，或许还可以手牵手的回寝室。
每当我在学习上遇到困难想退却时，我的脑海中总浮现出父亲童年的画面，和他相比，我的困难不算什么。不经历风雨，怎能见彩虹？梅花香自苦寒来？
我想念我的老师，她像蜡烛燃烧了自己却照亮了别人。她工作如此努力，置自己的健康于不顾，最后死于癌症。
我想多玩电脑游戏。我讨厌学习，再也不想考大学了。我想成为篮球运动员。我为什么要学英语？我们生活在中国。我不能只说中文吗？爸爸，我很累，别让我写完作业才睡觉。
我的爱好是睡觉，因为我经常睡眠不足。我最好的朋友长得像是屁股。妈妈，看看我学习多勤奋啊。
老师今天给了我三颗五角星，但是小王得了五个。我恨他。难道我还不够努力吗？我整晚都在写作业！
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