错误一大堆，功底不扎实。满分25分，最多得12分。
Some students study too late, so they don't eat breakfast so that sleep more time. And some parents are too busy, so they have no time to take after their kids. So they pass some money for their kid to eat breakfast. But many boys don't eat breakfast, they use the money for games. And some girls want keep thin so don't eat breakfast.
If students don't eat breakfast, they will asleep at the class, don't like study and their grades will dropped. Their's body will be more worse.
I think students have to eat breakfast.
so that 后接从句，sleep缺少主语；
“take after sb 像某人长得像某人”。照顾可以说take care of... 或look after...；
pass 是传递的意思，不如用give，与to搭配，不是for；
“But many boys don't eat breakfast, they use the money for games.”这句由两个分句构，但没有连词连接，不严谨！
want 和keep之间漏了一个to；
so后面缺少主语，变成了祈使句；
asleep是表语形容词，缺少谓语动词；
“成绩下降”，will后怎么能用动词过去式？
their就是“他们的”，'s 多余；
worse已经是比较级，more 多余。
最后一段，草草结尾，提了一条没有参考价值的“建议”，啥问题都解决不了。
点评：全篇没有“亮点”，除了最后一句，没有一个正确的句子！英文书写不规范，特别是“y，g, f”这三个字母，位置偏高，看着很别扭。
These days, eating breakfast is becoming a big problem for teenagers. A survey shows that about 40% of the teenagers have a bad habit of not having breakfast.
The reasons for not having breakfast vary from person to person. Some students stay up late to study and they prefer to skip breakfast so as to sleep a few minutes more. Some parents are too busy to take care of their children. Instead of preparing breakfast, they often give money to their kids for breakfast. But some boys spend the money on games while some girls don't eat breakfast just to keep thin.
The bad habit of not having breakfast may have some bad effects in the long run. Firstly, the students are more likely to feel sleepy at class and become uninterested in study, which leads to a grade declining. Secondly, it also results in a worsening health of the kids.
Now that we know the importance of having breakfast every day, we should try hard to deal with the problem. As a says goes: early to bed and early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise. It's wiser to get up early to study than staying up late. Once we have a habit of getting up early, we'll have plenty of time both for breakfast and for study. Besides, those parents who are too busy to cook breakfast can buy some healthy food for their kids before leaving for work.
[参考译文]
现在，吃早餐正成为青少年的一个大问题。一项调查显示，大约40%的青少年有不吃早餐的坏习惯。
不吃早餐的原因因人而异。一些学生熬夜学习，他们宁愿不吃早餐，以便多睡几分钟。有些父母太忙，不能照顾他们的孩子。他们经常给孩子们钱吃早餐，而不是准备早餐。但是一些男孩把钱花在游戏上，而一些女孩不吃早餐只是为了保持苗条。
不吃早餐的坏习惯从长远来看可能会有一些不好的影响。首先，学生在课堂上更容易感到困倦，对学习不感兴趣，导致成绩下降。其次，它也会导致孩子们的健康状况恶化。
既然我们知道每天吃早餐的重要性，我们应该努力解决这个问题。俗话说:早睡早起使人健康、富有和聪明。早起学习比熬夜更明智。一旦我们养成早起的习惯，我们就有足够的时间吃早餐和学习。此外，那些太忙而没空做早餐的父母可以在上班前给孩子买一些健康的食物。
Some students study too late, so they don't eat breakfast so they sleep more time. And some parents are too busy, so they have no time to take after their kids. So they pass some money for their kid to eat breakfast. But many boys don't eat breakfast, they use the money for games. And some girls want keep this so don't eat breakfast.
If students don't eat breakfast, they will sleep at the class, don't like study and their grades will dropped. Their's body will be more worse.
I think students have to eat breakfast.
评价：
第一、可以知道你要表达的内容可以；
第二、书法不是很好，不能给阅卷人产生好的印象（这在高考或中考中，很重要，阅卷人的第一印象就是书法。）（希望加强书法练习）；
第三、文中反复出现so....（出现四次），英语作文最忌讳的是同一结构反复出现，要避免；
第四、出现明显错误（their's)(their已经是“他们的”的意思了），考试中，如果出现明显的语法错误，失分最多！
如果打分的话，你的这篇文章的分数在8-10分之间。
建议：
1、加强书法训练；
2、多背一些现成的短文，多记一些句型，充实自己的写作；
预测：你的英语已经有一定的功底，如果再努力一下，会进步很快的。