初二英语作文：给汶川灾区的孩子写一封信，帮我点评一下我写的

Question

Dear children,
Where amazing happened.On May 12th,there was a earthquake in your hometown.When I heard of the news.It made me unbelievable,didn't it?I am really sorry to hear that.
Now many people from across China are helping you build your hometown.They're all friendly to you .aren't they?
During the earthquake,I think each of you has become a warrior.And the warrior doesn't afraid angthing.I think you can get over any difficulties,can't you?
If you also have some problems.You can call me at 0532-87654321.
i will try my best to help you.
Don't worry!I believe things will be fantastic soon.
Best wishes
Yours,
Mike

希望大家提一点好意见，我们期末考试很有可能考这篇作文

Answer 1

总的来说不错，感情也很真挚，亲的英语蛮不错的，我帮你看了几个地方，仅供参考
Dear children（用friends比较好）
Where amazing happened.On May 12th,there was a earthquake in your hometown.When I heard of（of可以不要了） the news，It made me unbelievable（这个词这么用不太好，最好是说it shocked me a lot),didn't it?I am really sorry to hear that.
Now many people from across China are helping you build your hometown.They're all friendly to you .aren't they?
During the earthquake,I think each of you has become a warrior.And the warrior doesn't afraid anything.I think you can get over any difficulties,can't you? （这一段用的反问句有点多，最好把句式转换一下，）
If you also have some problems.（这一句可以改成if you need any help)You can call me at 0532-87654321.
i will try my best to help you.
Don't worry!I believe things will be fantastic(应该改成all right，地震嘛，怎么能变得fantastic呢？这里应当是同情的语气哈） soon.
Best wishes
Yours,
Mike

Answer 2

不错

Answer 3

Good!!

Answer 4

Dear friends,
Where amazing happened.On May 12th,there was a earthquake in your hometown.When I heard the news.I couldn't believe,I am so sorry to hear that.
Now ,many people from across China are helping you build your hometown.They're all friendly to you .aren't they?
During the earthquake,I think each of you has become a warrior.And the warrior doesn't afraid angthing.So I am sure you can get over any difficulties！
I am trying my best to help you.
Don't worry!We must believe that every things will be all right soon.
Best wishes
Yours,
Mike

在原基础上改了一下下