谁有英语笑话

如题所述

先给个试试吧

.半夜三更,厕所无灯,你去解手,掉进茅坑,与蛆搏斗,与屎竞争,无人救你,壮烈牺牲,生得伟大,死得无声,为了纪念你,厕所安了灯! 2.你的一笑,狼都上吊,你的一叫,鸡飞狗跳,你的一站,臭味弥漫,你一出汗,虱子灾难,你不打扮,比鬼难看,你一打扮,鬼吓瘫痪! 3.一日曹操拜访蒋干,握住蒋干双手热情的说:“干,你娘好吗?”蒋干晕倒,许久醒来,激动的说:“操,你全家好吗?”曹操随即吐血身亡! 4.傻子偷乞丐的钱包,被瞎子看到了,哑巴大吼一声,把聋子吓了一跳,驼子挺身而出,瘸子飞起一脚,麻子说:“看我的面子算了。”疯子说:“就是,人要有理智!” 5.一次军事演练中,一颗炮弹偏离很远,派出去查看的士兵发现:炮弹落在农田里,田里站着你,衣衫婆碎,满面漆黑,你双眼含泪的说:“我就偷一棵白菜,用得着用炮轰吗?我容易吗我?” 6.爱空空,情空空,自己流浪在街中;人空空,钱空空,单身苦命在打工;事空空,业空空,想来想去就发疯;手机空,没钱充,生活所迫不轻松。总之四大皆空! 7.刚毕业时:兄弟们,后会有期!毕业一年:兄弟们,后会有妻!后来:兄弟们,后悔有妻!再后来:兄弟们,会有后妻!最后:兄弟们,悔后有妻! 8.一农民赶车进城被警察拦下,理由:没有车牌!农民找来一块婆木板写一牌并挂上,警察看后立即晕倒!!牌号写的是:牛B - 74110!
Toilet. The middle of the night, no light, you go to relieve themselves, fall into the pit, and maggots struggle to compete with the feces, no one to save you, heroic sacrifice, born great, die silent, to commemorate you, toilets, security lights! You smile, wolves are hanging, you called, deserted, your one-stop, the smell filled the air, a sweat lice disaster, you do not dress up than a ghost ugly, you have a dress, ghosts threatened paralysis. 3 day Cao Cao visited Jiang Gan, holding Jiang Gan hands enthusiastically said: "dry, your mother all right?" Jiang Gan collapsed a long time to wake up, and said excitedly: "Fuck you and your family, please?" Cao Cao immediately hematemesis died! Fool stole the beggar's purse, the blind see, the dumb shout startled, the deaf hunchback to come forward, and the lame kick, the pockmarks said: "Look at my face Forget." Madman, : "is that people have reason!" 5. a military drill, a projectile deviate from very far away, sent to see the soldiers found: the shells landed in the fields, the fields stood you, broken clothes woman sounded dark. tears in her eyes, said: "I stole a cabbage, need it with shelling? easy to do?" 6. love empty, empty love, their own wandering in the street; people empty, empty of money, single hardy work; empty things, empty industry, After much deliberation on the mad; phone empty, charge no money, the life force is not easy. In short nothing being done! Just graduated: the brothers meet again! Graduation year: brothers, will then be wife! Later: brothers, regret that a wife! Then: brothers, there will be a second wife! Finally: brothers, regret after a wife! A peasant coachman city was stopped by the police on the grounds: there is no license plate! The farmers got the wood of a woman to write one license and hang up immediately fainted, the police look! ! Grade write: bovine B - 74.11 thousand!

(1) 四个外科医生围坐在一起,谈论他们喜欢为何种人做手术。 第一个医生说:"我最喜欢为图书管理员做手术。当你打开他们的身体时,里面   的一切东西都是按字母顺序排列的。" 第二个医生说:"我最喜欢为会计做手术。当你打开他们的身体时,一切都是按  数字顺序排列的。"  第三个医生说:"我最喜欢为电工做手术。当你找开他们的身体时,一切都是用 颜色做代号的。"    第四个医生说: "我最喜欢为日本人做手术。"其他三个医生面面相觑,表示怀疑,其中一个问什么。第四个医生说因为他们没有心肝,没有脊骨,且屁股和头可以相交换。
(2) 一个人给日本人商人打电话说:"我找太郎先生。" 接线员说:"对不起,他上周去世了。"第二天,这个人又一次打电话,想跟太郎谈一谈。这次接线员有点厌烦,说:"我一直在告诉您他上周去世了。您为什么还要打电话呢?"那个人说:"因为我就是喜欢听这件事。"
(3) 一个日本人在中国一家饭店里吃饭。当侍者端上一盘龙虾后,日本人问道:请问你们怎样处理吃剩的虾壳?""当然是倒掉啦,"侍者道。"NO!NO!NO!"日本人摇摇头说,"在我们日本,吃剩的虾壳就送进工厂里,做成虾饼,然后再卖到你们中国 . "一会儿,侍者又端上了一盘水果,日本人指着其中一个柠檬又问:"请问你们怎样处理吃剩的柠檬皮?""当然是倒掉啦,"侍者道。"NO!NO!NO!" 日本人摇摇头说,"在我们日本,吃剩的柠檬皮就送进工厂里,做成果珍,然后再卖到你们中国。" 结帐的时候,日本人一边嚼着口香糖,一边笑着问侍: "请问你们怎样处理吃剩的口香糖?""当然是吐掉啦,"侍者道。 "NO!NO!NO!" 日本人摇摇头,得意的说,"在我们日本,嚼过的口香糖就送进工厂里,做成套套,然后再卖到你们中国. "侍者不耐烦的问道:"那你知道在我们中国,如何处理用过的套套吗?""当然是扔掉啦。"日本人道。侍者摇摇头说:"NO!NO!NO!在我们中国,用过的套套就送进工厂里,做成口香糖,然后再卖到你们日本。"
4) 通往芝加哥机场的公路上行驶着一辆出租车,车上乘坐着一个日本游客。这时,一辆出租车超了过去,日本人喊道: "瞧,丰田!日本制造!多快呀!"过了一会儿,又一辆出租车超了过去。"看,尼桑!是日本制造!太快啦!"又一辆出租车超了过去。 "嗨!是三菱!日本制造!快极啦!"出租车司机是百分之百的美国人,看见那么多日本车超过自己的美国车,加上那个日本人张狂的语言,不免有些恼火。出租车驶入机场停车场,这时,又一辆出租车超了过去。 "是本田!日本制造!快极啦!没治啦!"出租车司机停下车,没好气儿地指了指计价器,说道:"1500美金。""这么近就要1500美金?!" "计价器!日本制造!快极啦!没治啦!"
5) 有一架飞机上面坐有一美国人一个德国人一个日本人和一个中国人,飞机飞到一半突然没油了,机长宣布必须有一人跳机以减轻重量,于是那美国人就发挥其个人英雄主义精神走到飞机舱口高呼一声:美利坚和众国万岁!!然后就跳下去了!飞机继续飞.....这时机长又宣布:重量还是太重了,还得跳下去一个人!于是德国人就站出来,走到飞机舱口,高呼一声:德意志帝国万岁!也跟着跳了下去!飞机继续飞..... 这时机长又宣布说:不行,还是重了,必须再跳下去一个人!中国人看了日本人一眼,站起来走到了飞机舱口,日本人赶紧走过来紧紧握住中国人的手:好兄弟,我不会忘了你的!中国人高呼一声:中华人民共和国万岁!! 接着一脚把日本人给踹下去了!!......
(1) Four surgeons were sitting together to talk about what people they like surgery. The first doctor said: "My favorite librarian surgery. When you open their bodies, everything inside is in alphabetical order." The second doctor said: "I like to do for accounting surgery when you open their bodies, all in numerical order of the third doctor said: "My favorite for electricians surgery when you find to open their bodies, all with color do Code of the fourth doctor said: "My favorite is the Japanese surgery. three other doctors looked at each other, skeptical, and one asked what. The fourth doctor said that because they have no heart, no spine, and buttocks and head exchange.
(2) a person to call the Japanese businessman said: "I find Taro." The operator said: "I'm sorry, he died last week." The next day, again to call this person wants to Taro to talk about. The operator is a little tired, said: "I always tell you that he passed away last week. Why you call it?" The man said: "Because I love to hear it."
(3) a Japanese dinner in a Chinese restaurant. When the waiter cup of dish lobster, the Japanese asked: I ask you how to deal with leftover shrimp? "Of course, is drained," the waiter said. "NO! NO! NO! "The Japanese shook his head and said," In our Japan, the leftover shrimp sent to the factory, made shrimp cakes, and then sold to you. "For a while, the waiter and end on a fruit, the Japanese refer to one lemon asked: "I ask you how to deal with leftover lemon peel? "Of course, is drained," the waiter said. "NO! NO! NO! "The Japanese shook his head and said," In our Japan, the leftover lemon peel sent to the factory, made Guozhen, and then sold to you. Checkout time, the Japanese side of chewing gum, laughing asked the waiter: "I ask you how to deal with leftover gum? "Of course, is to spit!" Waiter Road. "NO! NO! NO! "The Japanese shook his head, and proudly said," In our Japan, chewing gum sent to the factory made of condoms, and then sold to you. "Impatient waiter asked:" Do you know we China, how to deal with a used condom? "Of course, is to throw away! "The Japanese Road. Waiter shook his head and said:" NO! NO! NO! In China, we used the condom sent to the factory, made of gum, and then sold to you in Japan. "
4) to the Chicago airport on the highway driving a taxi, car ride with a Japanese tourist. At this time, a taxi over the past, the Japanese shouted: "Look, Toyota! Made in Japan! How fast!" After a while, but also a taxi over the past. "Look, Nissan! Is made in Japan are too quick!" A taxi over the past. "Hey! Mitsubishi! Made in Japan! Fast, I tell you!" Taxi driver is 100 percent of Americans see so many Japanese cars over American car with Japanese insolent language, and help a bit annoyed. A taxi into the airport parking lot, this time, but also a taxi over the past. Honda! Japanese manufacturing fast, I tell you not cure! "The taxi driver stopped, the snappily child pointed to the meter, said:" 1500 dollars. "So close is necessary $ 1,500?" meter made in Japan! fast, I tell you! not rule! "
5) an aircraft sit one Americans, a German one Japanese and a Chinese aircraft flew half of suddenly running out of oil, the captain announced that there must be a Trip order to reduce weight, so that Americans play to their personal heroism went to the aircraft hatch shouting out: Long live the United States and the United States of ! And then jump off! The aircraft continued to fly ..... Then the captain announced: the weight is too heavy, and had to jump off a So German stand out, went to the aircraft hatch, shouting loudly: Long live the German Empire! Follow the jump down! The aircraft continued to fly ..... Then the captain announced that: No, or heavier, you must jump off a Chinese people see the Japanese one, stood up and walked to the aircraft hatch, the Japanese quickly came to hang on the hand of the Chinese people: good brother, I will not forget you! Chinese people shouting loudly: the People's Republic of China Long live! ! Then kick the Japanese to kick down! ! ......
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第1个回答  2012-04-17
The notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party. Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment, he said, "Come up to the fifth floor and ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door open, push with your foot."  "Why use my elbow and foot?"  "Well, gosh," was the reply, "You're not coming empty-handed, are you?"  一个声名狼藉的小气鬼终于决定要请一次客了。他在向一个朋友解释怎么找到他家时说:“你上到五楼,用你的胳膊肘按门铃。门开了后,再用你的脚把门推开。”  “为什么我要用我的肘和脚呢?”  “天哪!” 吝啬鬼回答,“你总不会空着手来吧?” Goethe's Tolerance  Goethe was once strolling on a narrow path in a park in Weimar. As luck would have it, he met with a critic who was hostile to him. Both of them stopped, staring at each other. Then the critic said, "I'll never make way for a fool." "But I will," with that Goethe retreated aside.    歌德的容忍  一次,歌德正在魏玛一个公园的一条狭窄小道上散步。碰巧他遇见一个对他怀有敌意的评论家。两人都停了下来,彼此相互对视。接着评论家说道:“我从来不给傻瓜让路。” “可我给。”说完歌德退到了一边。
第2个回答  2012-04-17
Tom: William has asked me for a loan of five pounds. Should I be doing right in lending it to him?
Jack: Certainly.
Tom: And why?
Jack: Because otherwise he would try to borrow it from me.
汤姆:威廉向我借五英镑。我该不该借给他?
杰克:当然应该了。
汤姆:为什么?
杰克:否则他就该跟我借了

One evening I drove my husband's car to the shopping mall.
On my return, I noticed that how dusty the outside of his car was and cleaned it up a bit.When I finally entered the house, I called out.'The woman who loves you the most in the world just cleaned your headlights and windshield.'
My husband looked up and said, 'Mom's here?'
一天晚上我开着丈夫的车去购物,回来后发现车身沾满灰尘,于是擦洗了一阵。当我终于走进屋里时大声喊:“世界上最爱你的女人刚擦洗了你的车灯和挡风玻璃。”
我丈夫抬头看了看,说:“妈妈来了?”

.Mary was so disgusted at her husband's cigarette smoking that she complained to him one day.
'I hope that all the cigarette factories will catch fire someday.'
'Don't worry, dear. All the cigarettes will be on fire sooner or later.' He said with a smile.
玛丽非常讨厌丈夫吸烟,一天对他抱怨说:“我希望有一天所有卷烟厂都失火。”
“不用担心,亲爱的,所有的烟卷迟早都会点着的。”他笑着说。